The Catholic Housewife

The Young Housewife -Alexey Tyranov

Housewife and Homemaker and the Art of Blogging

I usually avoid calling myself "housewife".   I suppose it brings up some image of a vacuous woman who mindlessly keeps house at the expense of all else.  But honestly I dislike it more more because housewife seems like a functionary, someone who just does whatever is the minimum required to keep things going.   She is wife as opposed to mistress in the worst possible way; she is the one you are stuck with, not the one you adore.   I prefer the term "homemaker" which seems much more desirable.  Homemaker - the person who makes the home and sets the tone - the mistress of it all.  Lately our home has felt more like "Mr Toad's Wild Ride" than the peaceful, artful, prayerful, playful place I envision.   Phases happen, that must be why the traditional wedding vows include "for better or worse".  Both are bound to come in their turn.  At times I am much more Housewife than Homemaker.  Homemaker is intentional; Housewife is well - there.  Homemaker puts effort into making the house a wonderful cozy world to escape from the pressure and stress of the World; Housewife still plods dutifully along, she hasn't left yet - that counts right?  It sounds dreadful, but sometimes housewife is enough.  Sometimes it is all that can be squeezed into the cracks of mother, wife and all those other roles we each have. 

When I am feeling this way then the internet can be a blessing and a curse.  A blessing in that I can be inspired to do more, to put the effort into catching the spark, to find the bliss again.  Or I can feel even more overwhelmed by what I am not doing. There are so many beautiful homemaking blogs.  They all offer their pictures and articles up for dreaming and admiration.  Many seem to capture a magazine like glimpse of domestic perfection yet written in a first person neighborly tone the belies the work that must have gone into those perfect cookies, ribboned curls, matching pillows and drapes and perfectly knitted baby-booties.  This can be distressing for those of us clinging to the merry-go-round for dear life.  A sweet friend of mine was so down one day distressing herself over this all.  "The schedules", she confided in a sort of whispered, stressed confession, "How do they manage those schedules - much less have time to write about it?"  I told my friend, "I bet they don't - at least most don't".   I thought about it for a second and had to admit that at times I am guilty of the same enterprise - the art of appearing to it have more together than I do by either writing about "Plans and Aspirations" or studiously following "The Rules of the Close-up".

Plans and Aspirations

This is where I channel my inner Martha (Stewart or from the Bible either way).  She is the domestic Goddess of Crafttastic perfection and orderly bliss.  She is not complete fiction, but she is far better at the art of planning than I will ever be at the art of implementation.   She can make the most complicated of menu plans, grocery lists, cleaning lists, home-school schedules and to do lists the world has ever seen.   Some better than others, some more manageable than others.  If you are looking at a schedule that has three or four children studying six subjects after daily mass and before lunch while still getting chores done and turning out homemade culinary greatness three meals a day while blogging about it all the BS alert should be going off.  I know I don't do this sort of thing intentionally.  I do make great plans, but the implementation is never completely perfect and most times it is no where close.   I doubt other women who blog intentionally mislead their readers - but I don't see how anyone can follow some of these schedules I have seen and kept their lives running, had happy kids or even maintained sanity - much less had time left over to write about it.  So I have to assume, that like myself, some women write "aspirational-ly".

The Rules of the Close-up

The house is trashed, the baby is crying, dinner is late, the kitchen is messy but the ripe strawberries in the pretty blue bowl are too  picture perfect not to snap and post. 

(note - neither of these are mine, but they could both be and at the same time)

The camera is a big liar while at the same time being completely honest.   It is really, really tempting to believe that if you pull back from that tight close-up of the cookies, or scrubbed faces or artistic quilts that the whole home would be the same perfect order.  That is not necessarily reality.   Again, this isn't to say that there is the intention of dishonesty  but if we are writing about our lives it is natural to try to show the best face and literally crop out the mess on the edges.  If you are looking at a lot of close-ups don't assume that the rest is all beautiful and you just suck.   You never know what the camera hides.

Homemaking blogs are wonderful.  Obviously I am a big enough fan of the art to engage in it myself, but no matter what you read, or where you go online, remember to keep perspective.  Sometimes you just aren't going to be the dazzling homemaker, you will be doing well to be the dutiful, frumpy housewife and in the end that is more than OK or "good enough"  It is the best and it need not be compared to the glossy-perfection of internet inspired fantasies.   That is, of course, today's advice to myself.